Fresh Side of a Leaf on an Old Tree

Change.

We can resist it, deny it, disregard it entirely. Yet the only constance that Life can give us is the promise of change. I gave up fighting it a long time ago. Shed that sort of innocence only too early to reflect upon what i have missed out on too late. Yet, it's ok with me. I find it easier, & it makes me happier when i just go with it.

Does that make me someone passive? I would'nt say so & neither would anyone who knows me. I'm far from passive eventhough i do aknowledge its attributes. Envy its attributes even. It's only natural 4 one to envy something they admire and can never have. Maybe its just the time of my Life, as meagre as 18 years worth of it may seem, that i dont have to be in control of everything.

Yes, it made me feel powerful. To have my way, my say, my picture perfect everything with the justified mean of obtaining & validifying it so it goes unquestioned. But, i was not happy. Being 'Right" is a lonely profession. A calculating, nerve racking & painful one. How can you be happy when you anticipate every outcome, every response, every other option only to achieve it & be exactly where u started out again & again?

I tried it, it didn't work. I'm proud but not too proud to change something that's not working for me. So here i am. Emotional baggage in toll, more do's & dont's running me in every corner i turn, and whats left of my heart to give. Everythings going to be ok. No,im not talking about my love life or what not, just Life, just having to wake up to myself every morning & getting myself to open the curtains & get out of bed!

Msg'd Charles one night half-hysterical rambling about messing everything up & how im dying & being convinced that i was going to die under all the pressure & non stop thinking. He replied simply, No, you're not going to die. You're fine, & i guess its good to hear that sometimes. To show that side to someone who doesnt encourage it nor ignore it. Just aknowledges.

Remember asking my Evie after her recent break-up, "Isn't it great to be hopeful?". In essence whats life without the Hope for happiness, even if we never achieve it, or notice it when we do have it,or what we mistaken to be it or whats close enough to it. Isn't merely the Hope for IT simply something magnificent to wake up to?

Comments

[Jeuy's]

its much easier to love than hate, to be hopeful than pessimistic,& to be enthusiastic than impassive. (even though i don necessarily go with what is easier most of the time :)) and i agree, being right is lonely. i think u write beautifully XD and i lovee what u write about and how u do it.
take care bri! its been ages.
but i can still remember that u shared a lollipop with me once a very long time ago. VERy very long time ago. love, jeu

[Jeuy's]

and it is pretty magnificent. the promise of it.

[brigette]

Jeu, me & a lollipop :) 7 years ago huh. Hope ur doing good babe regardless of not always choosing d easier option. Best wishes waking up with promise everyday! U could get hit with a sledgehammer & still be smiling. Thus dont be suprised with me showinmg up with a slegehammer someday. Muaks ;p

[Henry]

Some things are easier for some.

Almost sounds like it's better to be hopefull than happy; the former being more tangible than the latter.

and with change being the only constant.

So it seems one needs to keep asking;

"are you happy?"

so that when that fleeting moment arrives you will know it.

so

are you happy? :)

[wkhai]

hey you...
been awhile since the last time i intermittently drop by...

often in life, there's no absolute right or wrong... nor black or white... just different shades of gray ;)

at the end of the day, u just have to ask yourself this: "are you happy doing what you're doing?"

if the answer is "yes!" then that's good enough for the present.

life is a journey to be explored. sometimes we crawl our way through an inch at a time struggling to get through; at times we stumble through it not knowing exactly where we're going but only knowing that we have to keep going forward; sometimes we walk through it a step at a time with calculated risk; at times we stroll through it safe in the knowledge that we know where we're going and that we're getting there soon; at times we charge through it relentlessly, bent on getting there and letting get in the way; sometimes we fly through it so caught up in our day to day trappings so much so that we forgot to stop to smell the flowers, to breathe in the fresh morning breeze, to revel in the touch of the sun on our skins, to appreciate the wonders that life has to offer, only to realised that you've missed out on a lot of things along the way...

and then u die.

and then what?

live a happy life bri, a contented life, and a meaningful life. that's all there is to it.

u know what's magnificent to wake up to?... the start of a brand new day, everyday... without fail ;)